Soldier On
by Follow-ur-Shadow
Summary: Tag to Reckoning Ball, takes place after Dutch, D'avin and Johnny all meet up at The Royale.


Soldier On

Category: Angst /Missing scene

Pairing: Dutch/D'avin

Summary: Tag to Reckoning Ball, takes place after Dutch, D'avin and Johnny all meet up at The Royale.

Warnings: Spoilers for 3x09 Reckoning Ball. Contains bad language.

Disclaimer: Own Nadda!

* * *

Johnny zipped up his jacket as the door swung shut behind him, the closure muting the rowdy noise coming from inside The Royale.

It was dark and he scanned the alley for his brother shivering as he tried to spot D'avin in the narrow passageway. Fortunately he'd done his fair share of reckoning and the copious amounts of alcohol sheltered him more than the thin layer of leather cradling his chest. It was cold but bearable and he drew a slow breath as he stepped down the cobbled walkway.

He really ought to try and sober up but with no idea what was coming getting shitfaced seemed like a perfectly reasonable game plan. It was becoming a trend just like the imminent danger lurking around every corner, ironically, the same place he found his brother hiding.

" _D'av?_ " He squinted at the figure pressed to the wall, one hand cushioning his forehead and the other nursing a glass of hootch. He made no acknowledgment of the approach and Johnny frowned sidling up to his older sibling, " _hey_... you okay _?_ "

D'avin jerked at the sound and quickly flexed his wrist trying to shake off the sudden intrusion. Everyone was supposed to be inside getting hammered, paying homage to their call to arms, but he should have know better than to assume his brother would get swept up in the comradery. "Fine _._ " He brushed off the concern with a wave, "just getting some air."

The gruff response was a poor excuse for an explanation and Johnny narrowed his gaze. "Bullshit." He folded his arms with a tight nod, "this is _me_ remember?"

D'avin flinched steeling himself against the 'family' card. He had no problem opening up to his brother but he was consciously aware of the fleet drinking less than a few hundred feet behind them. He was their commander, awarded general, and if he couldn't get his shit together how was he supposed to lead them into a war? He could cry like a fucking baby on his own time.

"I've got this." D'avin raised the glass to his lips ignoring the fiery burn in his throat as he knocked the liquid back. The problem wasn't alcohol. It was his decision to remain semi-sober despite all the shit going down around them. "I mean it," he wiped his mouth with a steady hand, "I'm not going anywhere."

"I know." There wasn't a beat of hesitation as Johnny stared him down. A few years ago there might have been some residual trust issues left between them but they'd moved on from all of that or at least he thought they had. "I know it, so does everyone else in there-" he directed a thumb over his shoulder, "so talk to me... what's really going on?"

As soon as the question hit the air between them Johnny had his answer. He knew his brother; in and out of the field, aboard Lucy, and more pertinently from the years they'd spent growing up together. At age ten Fey Rel'ma had cheated on D'avin and broken his heart. Since then Johnny had always been able to read heartbreak in his siblings expression no matter how densely it was compacted.

"You're worried about Dutch." It wasn't a question. Lucy had informed him the moment his best friend and brother had rekindled their relationship. His girl liked to gossip but John sensed now wasn't the right time to dwell on schematics. "We'll find a way to get her through this."

"Like we did with Pawter?" The words were sharp, honed from fear and D'av immediately regretted them. He was supposed to be in charge, in control of his emotions not taking potshots and alienating himself from the team. "I'm sorry, that wasn't cool." He apologised stressing a genuine note of remorse in the quiet tone. If he shut down now they may as well hand the war over to Aneela.

"No ass-wipe, it wasn't." Johnny scuffed his boot trying to ignore the dull ache the jab left behind. There were no guarantees, shitty things happened to good people but he'd be damned if he was going to lose another women he loved without one hells of a fight. "You're scared, I get it. I am too but we didn't come all this way just to get this far. There's another way around we just have to find it."

Silence fell heavily between them and Johnny breathed out slowly as he lifted his gaze up to the sky. Before long they'd have an armada bearing down on them but he had something Aneela didn't; a family to fight for. "You know, when I was gone I thought the two of you might..." he motioned his hand alluding to his brothers relationship with Dutch. It wasn't something he'd advocated but since Pawter's death he'd faced a lot of home truths including his own insecurities. "It made me angry, thinking about how reckless and selfish you were the first time-" he stopped, leveling his gaze again, "but then i realised it wasn't even about you. I was jealous... afraid of losing two of the most important people in my life but I chose to leave. I wasn't here and she had you, how could I possibly be mad about that?"

"We didn't... I mean, nothing happened." The honesty was raw and it urged D'avin to take another drink, the liquid smoother as it rushed his throat. He and Dutch had kept things professional but flashes from the previous night triggered a wave of guilt that left him questioning everything, including how he was supposed to let her go. If it came down to it he didn't know if he could act impartially and if he could that was equally as terrifying.

Johnny sensed his brothers turmoil and a slight smirk tugged his lips. In the beginning he'd been pissed about the changing dynamic but D'avin had worked hard to find his place on the team and they might have differing roles in Dutch's life but she needed them both, now more than ever. "Don't read too much into this but I was wrong about you two." D'avin turned his head curiously, detecting a slight note of humour as his brother continued, "I'm always going to be her favourite, that's pretty obvious-" Johnny ribbed him with a gentle nudge, "but you can give her something I can't. She needs that and so do you."

The words hit home and D'avin tried to steer away from the emotion clawing at his throat. The sentiment was appreciated but it didn't change the fact they were starting a war with limited advantages at their disposal. He'd wasted so much time already and drew a shaky breath as he finished the last of his drink. "While you were gone we fought side by side, drank too much, screwed with all the wrong people..." his hand tightened around the glass as he recalled their argument, "the whole time I didn't say a thing, not one god damn word." It hurt to admit and he threw the tumbler barely registering as it shattered against the wall. He didn't care too busy berating himself for every missed opportunity. "I was a coward and she deserves better than that, than me."

Johnny didn't so much as flinch combating the outburst with a firm stance. "You're wrong." He wasn't afraid of his brother, what scared him was the air of defeat rapidly surrounding them. "In case you missed it Dutch has a hard time trusting people. She's been let down by pretty much every guy in her life so I'm sorry but you don't get to beat yourself up for proving her friendship means more than just sex. If it didn't we wouldn't even be having this conversation"

The protectiveness was tangible and D'avin landed his fist against the wall wishing it made the situation easier to accept. Even if Johnny was right it didn't change the fact Dutch was in danger and there was nothing he could do to help her. "I don't know if I can just suck it up and let her go-" the admission was raw and he drew his arm back scrubbing the hand across his face, "dying is a really shitty way to break up with someone."

"Which is why we fight." Johnny launched over his brother's doubt with forced optimism. It had always been his role in the family no matter how bleak things looked and he refused to give up hope now. "We give this everything we have, no matter what it takes."

 _No matter what._ It was noble but didn't ring true to what he'd learnt as a soldier. He was military and this was war which meant every promise equalled a sacrifice; one life for another, and he was personally responsible for making those decisions. "What happens if I screw this up?

"You won't." Again there was no hesitation and a genuine smile ghosted Johnny's lips. He knew his brother and he knew Dutch. That alone gave him the boost of confidence he needed. "You'll do the right thing and not because Dutch asks you to. You'll do it because you love her and I can bring myself to live with that."

The unwavering faith didn't remove the acrid taste from D'avins mouth. It didn't squash the memory of waking up in Dutch's arms or stop him praying for a miracle but it derailed the growing need for vengeance that had started itching beneath his skin.

He wouldn't fight out of hatred.

He'd fight to protect everything behind them and that was their advantage, something Aneela would never understand and the one thing that made it their war to lose; they were fighting for family.


End file.
